Wednesday, June 17, 2015


I started going to a new church in April, with a friend who I have known for years and she's struggled with finding a place in the Church too. I went the first time and I really enjoyed it. I filled out the newcomer card and received a nice email welcoming me to the church, offering to meet with me, and opportunities to get to know them and to connect with others.


That's what I was looking for. I went the next week and filled out the card again, telling them how welcome I felt. I went to the new church a third time. But then something happened the third week. I realized that my friend didn't speak to anyone at the church other than me. She had a few people, but mostly we went in, sang and listened, then we left.

She texted me again to go the following Sunday, but I had to work. The next Sunday, she wasn't in town and I wasn't ready to go alone. So I stayed home and tried to listen to the sermon at my old church, but I let things distract me and gave up. The last few weeks, she has asked if I'm going to church with her, but I haven't responded. It makes me feel like an awful person, but I don't know if the new place is better than the old place.

But I did realize a big problem I have. The new place I started attending has a wonderful worship ministry and I liked how they organized the music. My old church had one male worship leader and a woman who sang the lead and the rest of the team stood in the back like back-up singers with no volume on their mikes. It never felt equal to me. Also, the songs seemed to go on and on; I never knew when one song ended and how many songs he'd cram in before the sermon. I couldn't get into the worship. I always just wanted it to be over.

But the new place had a female worship leader and a set-up that worked. One song to bring the congregation together, then the welcome/sermon, and four songs to close. I enjoyed that.

BUT -- the new church is very much lacking in the sermon area. While I loved the worship, the sermons were boring and I didn't feel challenged or like I learned anything. My old pastor is an incredible and gifted by God teacher. The new sermons... meh. I like the worship at the new church, but I can't get into the sermons, so I'm not sure it is the place for me.

But I still don't have a desire to go to church. I'm still stuck. Now I'm stuck between two churches with really no desire to keep going to either. I can't find a place.

Friday, March 27, 2015


I walked away from the church in January. Granted, it's only the end of March, but I've been raised in the church since I was eight days old, when my mom first brought me into church and I ruined her pink pants.

Missions trip to Mexico in 2005
No one even noticed. I'd been in the same church since I was eight. I accepted Christ as my savior when I was nine years old and eager to love God more than Barbies and jelly-beans.We moved when I was in high school to be closer to this church. All of my friends went to church with me and I babysat for many families over the years. I'm twenty-six years old and unmarried. Most of my friends went away to college and got married. A few came back, but they got married and moved away. For four years, I've realized that there's not really a place for me in the church since I'm not married and don't have any kids. I don't really fit into the college group anymore, the newly engaged, young married, married with kids, or soul searchers (retired with grandkids). Other than volunteering, there's not really a place for me. I felt alone. Very alone.

I stopped going to church when I realized that every Sunday I would drive to church alone, sit by myself, no one would speak to me unless forced when we shook hands, and I'd leave by myself. No one wanted to know more about me anymore. My age group was either married or didn't come to church anymore.

I don't want the church to run a dating service. No way. That's not the point. But I do want to be around other people with the same life circumstances and have things in common with the other Christians in the church. I didn't.

So I stopped going to church and that's where my journey begins. A journey to understand the hole in the church where young singles are walking away and feeling unwanted.